Men In Relationships

Ep.55 What If The Journey Is The Goal?

Listen to this if you are very goal-oriented!

We should not put the good parts of our lives in jeopardy to achieve a goal. 

I have two sides to me (I believe most of us do). I have a very driven/goal-oriented side and a very kind, loving, and empathetic side. When I catch myself only living within the parameters of one side, I experience turbulence in other areas of my life. For myself, I tend to gravitate to the driven/goal side more frequently. This brings many great benefits to my life, although it also comes with side effects. The largest one is not always being able to be present and enjoying the aspects of my life that are already great. 

When I need to reframe out of these driven states of mind to focus on the big picture, I ask myself “what if the journey is the goal?”

This phrase reminds me that: 

-I should implement trust, belief, faith, and patience.

-Focus on my inputs rather than the outputs.

-All we have is right now. (Don’t only focus on what you don’t have).

-Happiness and our mood can be altered at any given moment. This can be done right now.

-If the journey becomes too serious, and not enjoyable then what’s the point?

-It’s more important to live holistically healthy to evolve all aspects of my life, instead of being fixated on the future.

When we ignore what is important to us right now, we can give rise to issues that will impact our holistic focus. When our focus becomes blurry and we need to incorporate more balance, we might need to reframe and ask ourself “what if the journey is the goal?”

In this episode I also discuss a coaching session I had where I came up with this reminder phrase and share the impact it has on my life.

If you are goal oriented, driven, or a high achiever than this is a must listen! 

 

Enjoy,

Joel

Ep.54 HowTo Turn Your Biggest Pain Into Your Best Teacher

It is through our deepest pain that we can learn the most profound lessons, as long as we are willing to find them. 

When confronted with internal problems that affect our external world, the only way to solve them is to look within. For myself, I had to explore and understand myself on a much deeper level. This led me through a process where I needed to expand my self-awareness. 

In episode 54 of Surrendering Average, I cover the 3 levels of awareness needed to turn your biggest pain point into your greatest teacher.

The 3 levels of awareness are:

1)General Awareness: This is where we shine a light on the dormant issues that we tend to ignore. Ask yourself, what might be an issue I often burry?

2)Sub-conscious Awareness: This is a deeper level than our conscious mind. We explore a more introspective level that we don’t normally go to. A powerful question to ask might be “Why am I trying/ wanting to stay this way?” 

3)The new you awareness: This is where you have the ability to see the ‘new you’ after you’ve changed...before anything in the physical realm has transpired. This is the ability to visualize, believe, and feel what it would be like to be the new version of yourself. 

After these 3 levels of awareness have developed, then the process (aka work) can begin.

It’s fascinating because through this process you will simultaneously be the student and the teacher. Teaching yourself some of the most profound lessons you’ll ever experience.

 

I hope you enjoy the episode:)

Joel

Ep.53 Why Does Influence Affect Our Opinions?

It is beneficial to know that other people's influence can affect our opinions.

Our thoughts run the risk of being manipulated if our opinions aren't aligned with our intentions, goals, or vision. This usually happens when we are influenced by others. Sometimes this can be beneficial for us, and other times it can be detrimental.

Take Covid for example. It seems every single person has a slightly different opinion on the whole situation. There aren't any two people alike that have the exact same opinion and exact same understanding of the whole situation. This has created a lot of conflict and animosity between people. This is why it's so important to formulate opinions that will serve us. Otherwise, we are simply jumping onto somebody else's belief system based on their unique information and environment.

In this week's podcast episode I discuss how the 6 key principles from the book 'Influence' by Robert B. Cialdini can affect the opinions we create and believe in.

Here are 3 points to keep in mind before expressing our opinions:

1 )Will sharing my opinion benefit me and other people?

2) Do not make an opinion to please others. Focus on what is important to you

3) If sharing your opinion makes you feel good, proud, uplifted, energized, or if you believe it will serve people in a positive manner... Then let it out!

 

I hope you enjoy this episode... Regain your personal power by formulating your own opinions today! :)

 

You can always visit my website to get more information or reach out to me.

www.joelmahe.ca

Ep.52 The Magicians Way- Is Mental Work Magic?

I covered some very insightful topics from the book ‘The Magicians Way’ by William Whitecloud in this podcast episode. They had a very profound impact on my life. Here is a quick summary of the episode. 

Is mental work magic? The short answer, no. Although it’s pretty damn close!

In the book, William lays out the 7 secrets of magic. Or as I like to call them the 7 deep insights that will help us navigate life. You can compare them to ‘tricks’ of the mind, which is very comparable to magic.

#1) Your thoughts and feelings aren’t real.

Your thoughts and feelings are expressions of your underlying assumptions at any moment. Not reflections of actual reality.

#2) Your focus creates your reality.

 I always say that focus is power. Your experience in life is determined by what you put your attention on. If you only focus on negative things you will tend to have a negative reality. Vice versa for positive aspects. (This is why we should have multiple sources of information… not only the news channels.) 

#3) Everyone has a heart.

Having a heart means that we have desires. We have people and things we love that are deeply important to us. Unfortunately, people tend to put more energy into protecting their heart rather than following it. Be unapologetically you!

#4) There is never anything to do, but always action to take.

‘Doing’ is being ‘busy’. Action will lead to progress. There is a slight distinction that will produce a huge difference in results.

#5) Structure has integrity.

Somethings structure dictates it’s behaviour and it’s behaviour dictates it’s experience. What our attention is focused on forms the underlying structure of our consciousness. The motivations behind what we do in life reveal our true focus. It is so important to to be consciously aware of what our focus is, so we don’t fall into the wrong path. 

#6) You get your energy from a higher source.

Open your mind, and get out of your own way to generate energy. Energy is not generated from external sources. It is generated from within and by using our mind. 

#7) It takes will

Have the will to follow your heart rather than resolving your thoughts and feelings not aligned to your deep desires.

Is mental work magic? Not necessarily, although it can create magical results!

I hope this episode activates some new insights and awareness to help you in your life:) 

Ep. 51 Why Our Thoughts Give Rise To Our Fears

I find it fascinating how our thoughts drastically impact every aspect of our life. Specifically, the amount of fear we perceive, experience and create.

I’ve found that our external INPUT has a direct correlation with the type of thoughts that populate our minds each day. I believe we need to be very cautious, aware, and intentional with what gets put into our minds. Thoughts will stem from our input, and our thoughts will create our emotions. (This includes fear)

Thoughts can be self-fulfilling prophecies. If repeated enough we can subconsciously manifest what we think and believe over time. Believing and thinking about the same negative thoughts will taint our perception. Thoughts prove to be so powerful. The mere thought of a fearful experience (past or future) can lead to the same physical feelings (if not more intense) than the ones we would have felt if that event were to actually happen. 

Thankfully there is a framework to help with this fear response. The ‘I’ framework.

1) Initial Input: Monitor and be aware of our external inputs. Even if we consume an input, we have the power to interpret what it means in our life. We don’t need to accept that input as our truth, nor do we need to believe it. Be aware of potentially harmful inputs such as the media/news, gossip, the people you spend time with that are negative, the books and articles you read. Remember that negative news is approximately 7-10x more captivating than positive news. It’s no wonder why news channel headlines are always negative. 

2) Interrupt: If you catch yourself with perpetuating fearful thoughts try the ‘Relaxation Response’. 

-6 deep abdominal breathes (more if needed). I bet you’re saying ya, ya I know… But how often do you actually do this?

-Focus on a soothing word or phrase

-Visualize yourself (in a clear picture/vision) AFTER the fearful event, or circumstance causing these thoughts has passed.

-If you are not a visual person, try repeating a mantra (that also implies you are past the fearful event or circumstance.) Ex. I have arrived safe and sound.

3) Interject: Consciously talk in your head (or out loud) after you are in a more relaxed state. This is to make sure you don’t revert back to the fearful thoughts. Try to include positive and optimistic thoughts. Although sometimes this may be difficult, and it might be more helpful to simply think about a neutral thought. 

If you are someone who battles with fearful thoughts, then this is a must listen! I hope this helps in even the smallest way! :)

Ep.50 False Desires- Stop Being Deprived Of Progress

True desires align with our foundation, the base of our life. This includes our values, beliefs, morals, authentic/non-egoic identity, and essentially everything in our life that is deeply meaningful to us. 

False desires are something we want or crave in the moment, often impulsive, and not aligned to our foundation. 

Some of my past false desires that I overly indulged in were:

-Over drinking/partying

-Staying up late

-Unhealthy eating

-Over sleeping/sleeping longer than needed

-The need to ‘fit in’ with every group

-Watching T.V./playing video games

This isn’t to say completely eliminate any desires you have that don’t align with your foundation. In fact, it might be necessary to mix them in once in a while to maintain some balance. This is simply a message, bringing awareness to the false desire paradox. 

Our true desires will frequently confront us to make changes. They tend to divert us away from the ‘familiar and easy’ path. This can evoke certain levels of discomfort. Although the reward on the other side of the discomfort can make us feel much more complete, fulfilled, or purposeful because it is aligned with our foundation.

Paradoxically false desires are almost always more appealing, easy to attain, and give instant pleasure in comparison to true desires. Unfortunately it’s the thoughts, feelings, and actions that ensue that aren’t pleasant. If we continually seek these types of pleasures we might create a false desire cycle. This is where these negative thoughts, feelings, and actions can perpetuate and compound over time amplifying the unpleasant negative characteristics, ultimately leaving us in a state of stagnation. 

As someone who has a fear of stagnation, I can say with certainty that pursuing desires aligned with my foundation rather than the instant satisfaction of false desires has truly transformed my life. 

I hope this brings some value. Enjoy:)

 

Ep. 49 Mental Pivot

What is a mental pivot?

It is the ability to the awareness that something is not working/going to plan, and a slight course correction is needed. This slight shift needs to start with the ability to see things differently- have a change in perception. All of this is accomplished in our mind.

 

#1)A mental pivot is necessary before new emotions and physical actions transpire. 

#2) We have the ability to re-frame a circumstance and put new meaning towards them. Pivot with intention aligned with this new meaning. 

#3) Re-frame with a positive perspective, and gratitude. 

#4)Pivot Fast! This will protect us from falling in a hole and becoming the victim. Instead we will remain the creator.

#5)Adjust Expectations. Don’t be so fixed on how you’ll get to your new end goal. Surrender to the process and have faith and belief it will work out. Drop your ego! We don't need to stay fixated on our first plan of attack. Even if we've invested time and energy into an idea, it still might be more productive to change our direction. 

#6) Become an ‘Optimal Realist’. Have optimism that this will get better, and that your mental pivot will make things better. If we believe something won’t work, we will subconsciously look for every reason why our circumstance is not getting better....

We also need to be a realist. Our conditions won’t magically get better if all we do is apply hope. Exterior circumstances wont simply magically change. We should accept the circumstance, understand it is real, and take actions that we can control. 

Start implementing mental pivots today in order to surrender your average life. Enjoy!!

Ep.48 Progress Or Emotion

How do we receive progress instead of being halted by reactional/ non-intentional emotion?

First start by realizing it’s a choice. We can feel safe, or we can make progress. Safe is known, progress is not.

We evolved with instincts to survive. That meant avoiding all danger and discomfort in order to feel safe. Excuses frequently generate because we listen to the instinctive voice in our head that’s trying to keep us safe. That convincing voice telling us it will be safe to stay where we are.

How to choose progress:

1)Understand excuses are valid… But we do NOT need to listen to them

2)Change your stories and narratives built from the past. It’s likely there is fear linked to them that’s holding you back. For example, being anxious in certain situations doesn’t mean you need to avoid them.

3)Don’t suppress or ignore your emotions, instead expose them. Once we understand why we feel a certain way, we are aware of what’s happening. This will enable us to keep progressing past the resistance that would have previously stopped us.

4)To Achieve progress put more focus on your input rather than your output. Focus on how you show up for yourself, and your actions. Don’t get consumed with what has or hasn’t been created.

I hope you enjoy!:) 

Ep. 47 Internal Rewards- Mental Discipline For Bigger Thinking

Internally rewarding ourself is a crucial step to help us push past discomfort. Discomfort is usually the roadblock standing between us and the new results, and habits we desire. If we do something difficult without rewarding ourself, we won't want to repeat it ever again. There is plenty of science that affirms it is crucial to reward ourself (even if it is an internal reward) in order to continually take difficult actions. 

In today's show I will cover a 5 step process to generate internal rewards in order to accomplish this. This process was discovered through my research and I've personally implemented these strategies to ensure they work. 

If you find yourself unable to break free from your current circumstances, and unable to form new habits then this is a must listen! 

Enjoy:) 

Ep. 46 Is Confusion To Blame For Our Stagnation?

Throughout my journey, I've come to realize there were two main aspects holding me back from progress. Those aspects were a lack of clarity and a deep understanding of our sub conscious. I found myself battling stagnation even though I had such big dreams and desires. 

In today's episode we have a discussion built on 3 quotes by Dr. David Burns (A psychotherapist who specializes in CBT- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). The discussion will bring new insights on what this confusion might be in your life, and how to take the necessary actions to ensure stagnation is no longer an issue. 

I hope you enjoy this episode!:)